Arianne’s Blog
February 24th 2010 by Elevated Grounds in GroundationHello everyone 
I’m new and this is my first blog
Before I became a part of Elevated Grounds I had little knowledge and big expectations. From what my friend Francaline Kingu told me, I was to partake in a real production with people counting on me to keep up. The only thing that struck out the most to me when she was giving me the details was that it was a musical and I didn’t have to dance (God blessed me with a voice but for my feet they seem to have a mind of it’s own) which isn’t my strong suit. With the information that I gathered that night I became a little intimidated, I imagined that I would see many talented actors, and many talented singers, and many talented dancers, but she assured me that everyone at Elevated Grounds were nice, she said that they were, “very chill people”.
Nervous and not knowing what to expect, I came with an open mind and an open heart. Looking back I feel a bit silly for coming on the first day with heels, not only did I stick out but they were a bit uncomfortable. But the heels were not the only thing that made me feel uncomfortable. Usually people say that my first impression is that I am a very out going and friendly person. That is what I look on the outside but in the inside I’m as shaky as a leaf. What surprised me was that all this did not matter to the people at Elevated Grounds. The fact that I was new and that I was so misinformed did not diminish their respect for me. They all welcomed me with bright smiles and even gave me a few acting pointers.
Now that I’ve been coming to Elevated Grounds I am learning to like these people more and more. They are all very talented and welcoming and they give me a whole other reason why I keep coming back. Slowly they are becoming a network of friends. Friends that go through the same tribulations as any young teenager would. That’s what Stress ‘N’ Out is all about. That everyone has troubles in their life and all we need to do is hold out our hands and pick each other up. Without this, we might as well just run away from life completely.
Just a little story that i thought kinda ties into what elevated grounds is all about.
The theme is a little girl’s favorite stuffed bunny that narrates and depicts this little girl’s life. the story itself talks about the transitions from being a child into a growing adult and in between there are many troubles brought to the little girl. In the end there is a cross road, wither to grow up or to hold desperately to your youth and childlike ways. The whole story is not supposed to be taken literally but symbolically; where the bunny is not really thought of as a true character but really the little girl’s take on her own life.
The reason why the bunny is reminiscing about her memories is because she is realizing that time might be running out for her’s and the little girl’s relationship. The bunny is stuck to think to herself, do i let her grow up or do i let her stay with me just to fulfill my desires.
Everyone has a “bunny” and we are always presented with the challenge of either growing up or staying young at heart.
Seeing Life through Glass Eyes
By Arianne Villarin
It’s a fine thing being born, or at least what you believe is happening to you. The first sight, first smell, first touch, it is so overwhelming that you begin to cry. People believe that babies cry because of the smack on the bum from a strange man in white, but really it is because the new born realizes that the world they were so accustomed to was not as colorful as the one outside of it.
As for me, I did not get such luxury. For days and days my first sight was darkness. If anyone wants to know, darkness does have a sound and it is loud with its loneliness. I had no conception of time back then. For all I know years could have gone by. I think the real day I was born was the day I was placed into the arms of a small opened eyed child.
She was no bigger then I was at the time. If you were to comparing us lying down the tips of my round toes would creep near her knees. She had ebony hair cut just bellow her chin and her very dark eyes showed no worries in life. I knew I was welcome, I knew I was home.
I slowly grew a liking for her. From her high pitched voice that sung every syllable that escaped her small pink lips, to her small chubby hands clasping mine, so delicately, so softly, so protectingly, as if hurting me meant hurting herself. And those eyes; they weren’t deep but they were alive. They showed love and a fire to set everyone a blaze.
When you are immobile, when you are unable to even speak, all you are capable of doing is listening. There is a lot a person can learn just by listening. Rain for instance, if you are a good enough listener you can hear the first rain drop and then the following one. To many, rain is a painful, sorrowful sound a top a shingled roof. But to me it is as if I’m hearing an orchestra outside my own window.
I was her listener. I listened to every single detail of what she had to say. I listened to her expressive tones and the vibrations in her voice which signaled the on coming down pour. That night it rained inside the house and I don’t think anyone noticed but me. That night she held me tighter then before as if just hugging me would protect her from the pain pummeling down on her. My cheek was so pressed up to her chest that the fast pace of her heart sent me falling deep into sleep. It was that night that darkness was no longer loud with loneliness but was vibrant with the smells and sounds of the currents of her breath pushing in and out of her lungs.
It became routine, she would wake up, let loose her bear grip around me, stand up, get dressed and leave me for hours. I had no idea where she went missing during the day; all I knew was the great joy to see her again in the afternoon. To bad she will never know that seeing her meant the life of me. Slowly her eyes started to change. I believe it was from the dry tears but her eyes grew less intense. In realizing this something broke inside of me. I would always want to ask what is wrong but the words never escaped my sown mouth. But I was still glad and satisfied that I knew every secret, every emotion before anyone. It was those great days back then when I knew I was hers and only hers, and she was mine and only mine.
A couple of years have passed since the day of my birth. I now know every revealed and unrevealed secret of this little girl who is slowly growing into adolescence. Her favorite color is pink, she hates having short hair and she is terrified of ghosts. I also know the cause of her never ending tears. It comes from the thick bones of a tall round bellied man with light brown youthful eyes offsetting his graying hair. She would call him by the title of father or dad; words that I do not recognize. He is relentless with his torrent of words. It disturbs and moves her so violently that I can recall a day when she scrolled these words on sticky notes and fixed it all over her room wall. Stupid fucker! Useless Shit! Little Brat! They were etched on the walls in bold letters as well as in her head, reminding her everyday who she is to him. No one got upset over it, no one but me. But hey, at least the sticky notes were serving their purpose.
I’m growing older now. I’m not the only one. My legs can no longer touch her belly button when we lie down side to side. My hair is discoloring, once was pink is now turning into a tint of orange. Little details of her are changing with the seasons. Her hair is longer; no longer the crude cut bob, and her face is growing more defined. The biggest change is her dark brown eyes. They were once full of inexperience, now it is deeper then that. As if every year brought it one story father from the surface. Now when I look into her eyes, I get lost in the pain, happiness and anger of the past. For once in my life I look into the future, into our future, I wonder if I’ll even be there.
I remember how it felt; like it was years since the last time she told me anything. I remember how different it was from the past. She quickly changed from being completely mine to being someone else’s. How could this girl who held me so tightly all those nights dare lie down on the same bed only to hold someone else in her arms. Deep inside me I felt bitter envy; I had so much ill wishes for this boy. It is not because I felt he took my best friend away from me but because for nights I saw her cry. Her eyes that showed her growing wisdom converted in that instant to a helpless pain stricken child not knowing what to do. I wanted so badly to yell back at him in that phone receiver, I wanted to be a cushion protecting her from every blow, but I was unable to. If only I were able I would have protected her heart from getting broken.
That was the last time she and I saw that boy. With his disappearance came the reappearance of her tears, tears that showed utter heartache which also made my heart shatter. If I could talk I would yell, “I told you so!”, but even thinking it tasted painful and coppery. My thoughts were tainted but I resented her for being so STUPID! When she stormed into that room, when she crashed on that bed, when she extended her hand to hold me, in a second all was forgotten. All the hate was washed like a stain leaving behind deep guilt.
After that my life and hers has been a roller coaster, where I am in the front and she is in the back. She has changed greatly; from being that short black haired girl with eyes that emitted innocence, into a beautiful and maturing women with eyes that loses you in a library of stories. Now that she is much older she has many responsibilities, things that a little stuffed bunny, like me should not intervene with. What do I expect? Being an object, a toy, a play thing, should I really expect her to love me unconditionally? Once and a while she holds and talks to me but I feel that she only does this because she wants desperately to hold on to her innocence. Should I ignore her or talk back? Should I permit her to stick beside me through her whole life? Should I tightly hold on to her just because of my selfish desire for her not to grow old of me? I love her, so I a wait the day for me to return to darkness where she can be happy with another.
REAL MEN
Hey Momma, how you feeling today?
I just gotta say,
That u lookin EXTRA SEXY!!!
How you sway and play,
its driving me CRAZY!!
But lemme say something,
Yea i think your BEAUTIFUL,
Especially when your in bed wit me
Yes I think your smart,
I mean you got to be if your with me,
And will i be there for you when your crying,
HELL YEA!!
As long as that means a night with you
Don’t get mad at me though,
This is how we REAL MEN do.
So don’t blame all the pain inflicted,
All the tissues wasted,
On us…cuz for real girl,
That was all you.
REAL WOMEN
All I want is real love,
Searching desperately for my prince,
I gotta stand out,
I gotta get out,
I gotta be the sexiest thing out there so that REAL MEN can like me.
I gotta BE,
skinny,
Pretty.
Doesn’t matter whats happening up here,
In my mind,
All I gotta be concerned with is if I am attractive enough.
Maybe then they’ll take real interest,
Maybe then we’ll connect on a higher level,
Then I’ll finally be satisfied,
Cuz then a boy will love me,
But then…is it me that they loving…
Or My BODY?
- Arianne Villarin
Pass me By
When the car is moving
Do you watch the world pass you by…
Watching each
And
Every
Car
Full of passengers
With a name
An identity
A family
Things that make a person…and yet…
You Pass them by
Not Knowing…
In that split second
THINK
“What do I mean to THEM”
U might figure out
EVERYTHING
- Arianne Villarin
Paranoia
gets the best of me,
it can never just let me be,
What is he,
What is she,
What am I?
It seems like my mind works on its own time,
And I’m trapped inside.
I can’t stop!
Please don’t blame me
These EMOTIONS are reaching their highest degree.
And its killing me
These accusations…
All I ASK is a little more patience,
Because
Paranoia
gets the best of me,
It can never leave me -and- you be.
by Arianne Villarin
How can happiness feel this way?
A fluttering Crazy whirl wind of emotions that makes me spiral up and down.
But no worries I won’t feel sick to my stomach,
Instead I will feel sick to the heart.
Sick with love and joy,
A sickness I don’t want to find a cure for,
A left and right hide and seek game straight to the person’s heart.
A smile, a hug, a little glance is enough to send me flying;
Flying so high over tree tops I can no longer see clearly.
No longer cold on winter nights if I have him in my heart;
Where he will always stay
Hello everyone
I’m new and this is my first blog
Before I became a part of Elevated Grounds I had little knowledge and big expectations. From what my friend Francaline Kingu told me, I was to partake in a real production with people counting on me to keep up. The only thing that struck out the most to me when she was giving me the details was that it was a musical and I didn’t have to dance (God blessed me with a voice but for my feet they seem to have a mind of it’s own) which isn’t my strong suit. With the information that I gathered that night I became a little intimidated, I imagined that I would see many talented actors, and many talented singers, and many talented dancers, but she assured me that everyone at Elevated Grounds were nice, she said that they were, “very chill people”.
Nervous and not knowing what to expect, I came with an open mind and an open heart. Looking back I feel a bit silly for coming on the first day with heels, not only did I stick out but they were a bit uncomfortable. But the heels were not the only thing that made me feel uncomfortable. Usually people say that my first impression is that I am a very out going and friendly person. That is what I look on the outside but in the inside I’m as shaky as a leaf. What surprised me was that all this did not matter to the people at Elevated Grounds. The fact that I was new and that I was so misinformed did not diminish their respect for me. They all welcomed me with bright smiles and even gave me a few acting pointers.
Now that I’ve been coming to Elevated Grounds I am learning to like these people more and more. They are all very talented and welcoming and they give me a whole other reason why I keep coming back. Slowly they are becoming a network of friends. Friends that go through the same tribulations as any young teenager would. That’s what Stress ‘N’ Out is all about. That everyone has troubles in their life and all we need to do is hold out our hands and pick each other up. Without this, we might as well just run away from life completely.
I had a pretty boring day at school…sometimes I feel my teachers are out to get me. I felt pretty tired but not so tired that I couldn’t go to rehearsals today. When I saw everyone I instantly felt a jolt of energy.
We got right into business. We did our usual things, we checked in, warmed up and had a little chit chat here and there over all today was very productive. I learned a lot today like the routine we have to do for a certain part of the play; it was very challenging but I know I can do it if I practice, and some little details about my acting and how I can improve on it. I’m determined to be the best I can be so that I won’t let anyone down.
What I love about today was that I had a lot of fun. I also love the fact that we work as a team; when someone is struggling on a scene we help each other out by giving our own opinions or suggestions. In this way it makes us better actors and better listeners.
Tomorrow is another rehearsal so until then lots of love from your tiny Asian ?
Dear diary,
Isn’t it funny how it seems that I’m always there for people but they seem to never pull through for me? I’m always the one on their beck and call but when I call they tend to always hand up. The life I live is the life of an outcast. I believe this is how the Good Samaritan must feel. I’m just hopping that in the end of it, I’ll get my salvation.
The reason why I bring this all up is because I’m fed up. Today was supposed to be my day; well I guess even today I don’t get the spot light. “Happy birthday Melanie, your finally 17!” I at least assumed that my best friend Diana would be there but I guess not. Now I’m thinking, am I even important to her, or to anyone in that matter? If I were to die right now I bet no one would even notice! Not even my mom! But what ever, if they don’t even care why should I?
What is a promise really? To me I think a promise is a complete bullshit. It’s something that people say to people just to get their hopes up. “Yea we’ll come to your birthday Mel, we’ll never miss it for the world! We promise!” WOW guys, thanks for keeping your promise. Another promise you failed to keep was that you would be my brothers since I lost mine…and look at how that ended. I kept my promise, I promised that I would be there and I have always been there even if you guys ignore me now, even if you guys talk shit about me, even if you ditched me on my birthday! Good girl Melanie is fed up, and I’m no longer holding on to promises.
That pretty much sums up my day. Time wasted, food uneaten and a birthday ending with a crying girl writing in her diary. My phone is sitting right beside me and not one single call, not even from a so called best friend. Cheers to me, myself, and I, the only and true friend I have.
Melanie ?
The earlier entry was inspired by Nicole our director. She told us not to act the part but become the part. Since I’m playing Melanie I wrote like I was actually Melanie. I became her anger, I became her sadness, and I became the hopeless character always belittled by her peers. I find it very interesting experimenting with one’s emotions.
The rehearsal was pretty fun, we got so much done and now we are just tightening our scenes down. I’m learning more and more and growing into a better actress every day. Nicole tells me one of my problems is that I don’t have much dimension in my voice when delivering my lines, from now on when I practice my lines I’m going to practice on that. It’s tricky but I am definitely determined to get it right.
I’m really looking forward to actually performing the play, well to be honest nervous but very excited. Seeing how everything is going so far, the play is looking really appealing. Of course there will be a lot of speed bumps but I know that together we can get over them. Until the next time my audience. ?
“When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down “happy.” They told me I didn’t understand the assignment and I told them they didn’t understand life.”
Everyone has problems, problems that they face maybe once a month or once a week or maybe even once a day. We are all human and life always throws at us obstacles. These obstacles should never get in the way of our happiness. Without happiness there is no meaning to life. So no matter how hard life may be and how stressful your day is, remember to be happy and you’ll always push through.
So far rehearsals have been on top of things. We have been running through the whole play swiftly and smoothing and we are really smoothing out the kinks. Nicole has been an awesome director, making sure that our acting is on top and that we PROJECT. She is also leading us to a better end performance since i feel without her, we would be so unorganized. Everything is tiring but fun and so worth the effort. Until later my fellow readers.
Tomorrow are the premier of Stress ‘N’ Out and the debut of me performing as an actress. I’m used to performing in the school choir and talent shows but never have I ever done a big performance like this. Is it nerve wrecking; yes. Is it stressful; yes. But will I let my other cast members down; no!
We all have practiced too hard. We have digested every line until it is a part of us. We have poured our souls into every rehearsal and tomorrow will show how dedicated we are. Tomorrow we can not say that we will “try our best” because tomorrow we will be “our best”. It is do or die time and I choose to do.
I’m looking at tomorrow like a war, we are marching to battle with high spirits and we are coming out of there victorious. Without me thinking like that then I might as well just stay home. So my fellow readers, lets step into this no man’s land together
Arianne Villarin
Today was the first performance and we walked into it kind of blind folded. We did not anticipate how many people there were and we did not know how the stage looked like. All of that not considered, we ended up doing A-OK.
There were some mishaps here and there but we did not let that bring our performance down. The fact that we rehearsed it so many times is what really kept us together because if we didn’t the show might have went down hill from the first mistake. What was admirable was that even when we did make a mistake we made sure that the audience did not know. Over all it was all good.
The audience was FABULOUS. They were laughing, clapping, and really getting engaged with the performance. After the show we asked them what they thought of the story and how relevant and realistic it really was. What we tried to convey from this whole play was to show youths that this is an issue and it is very present in our lives. And truthfully all of them said yea I’ve experienced this, maybe not first hand but I’ve seen girls abuse themselves and not knowing their own worth, and I’ve seen boys abusing drugs just to relieve their daily problems and I’ve seen people who have been beaten from the inside but have never let it surface because they are so humble. Knowing this we asked them, “So what do you think they should do,” they responded “They need help.” They need guidance and an out stretched hand telling them that they are not alone. So as a community, we as elevated grounds ask you, can you be that hand?